Solution 3: Identify Negative Feedback

negative feedback

Identify Negative Feedback.  Solution 3 of How to Be The Best!   For more information see >>>> Table of Contents.

 

3. Identify Negative Feedback

by Sherry Piatti

What constitutes negative feedback?  Negative feedback is anything that creates self-doubt, which in turn causes you to stop doing things in a way that feels right for you.  Negative feedback in all its forms, is one of the main causes of procrastination and goal abandonment.  But will all its myriad forms how can we begin to identify negative feedback?

To start, we should not confuse negative feedback with constructive criticism. Constructive criticism may feel negative yet it is the type of feedback that will guide you in making beneficial adjustments towards reaching your goals.  So before you hastily react to negative feedback first analyze the information to determine if it is constructive or simply a distraction?  More often than not it will be the latter of the two, the destructive type.  This article will help identify negative feedback of the destructive, goal-stopping kind.

As previously mentioned negative feedback is anything that causes or increases self-doubt.  In short, deconstructive negative feedback derails efforts.  This type of feedback is oftentimes so subtle that we don’t even realize we are off course!

One example of negative feedback is trying to act the same as someone else.  Trying to be someone you are not is a recipe for failure.  It is perfectly fine to emulate others but preferably in your own unique style that works best for you.

© Brett Mulcahy | Dreamstime.com

Negative feedback creeps into our psyche when we exercise excessive carefulness or are too worried about making an error.   It can also stem from anything that causes feelings of victimization, especially self-victimization.

Resentment, for example, even when based upon real injustices and wrongs soon becomes an emotional habit that leaves you feeling victim to injustice.  One single incident played repeatedly in our mind can break our confidence and increase self-doubt. Habitual resentment invariably leads to self-pity, the absolute worst form of negative feedback.  

And, this is why . . . 

Feeling sorry for oneself begins the process of picturing yourself as a pitiful person, a victim who was meant to be unhappy.  Pity, blame, resentment, perfectionism, and excessive attempts to please others can over time cause one to lose all self-respect.  Self-pity is like digging a hole.  The more self-pity you feel the deeper the hole and the more difficult to escape!

On the other hand, negative feedback can also appear from high achievement.  For example, one can have feelings of guilt simply from being successful.  No matter the source, guilt feelings are negative.

A good indicator of success guilt is if you find yourself defending your achievements. Perhaps this defensiveness stems from a belief that success is unfair.  Success guilt is an overwhelming feeling that can cause one to pull back from further advancement.  When we hear the term fear of success, do they really mean fear of guilt which often comes with success?

Do any of us truly fear the actual prize?  Or do we fear the confrontations that come with winning?  Perhaps we avoid pursuing goals because we might feel guilty for stripping the trophy from a more worthy individual.  We may believe they are more worthy because we believe we are less worthy.  This way of thinking is most certainly negative unrealistic feedback.

Perhaps we believe our success will force us to leave our family and friends, or vice verse.  How will we bask in success or happiness when others around us are in despair? Excessive guilt renders one useless and unproductive which benefits no one.

Reach for your goals, even if for no other reason but to inspire others. Take guilt for what it is, negative feedback . . . do not be a victim!

Another fear brought on by success is being subjected to criticism.  For some, negative criticism is as terrifying as death!  So to steer clear of uncomfortable situations we avoid succeeding altogether.

To avoid negative events, we remain in familiar territory known as the comfort zone.  But what many call the comfort zone quickly becomes the un-comfort zone.  The daily repetition alone can be mind numbing to restless individuals.  Wallowing in comfort may catch one off guard and cause devastating losses to sneak up, bills to pile or health to wane.

This is not to say one should forgo all safe bets and chuck caution to the wind.  Instead, strive to achieve more every day, whether you need more or even if you have it all!

We have all learned at some point in our lives that one single event can have life-altering consequences.  Therefore, provided you strive to achieve more, you will rise above any challenge you face.

So when others say to you, “you have everything, why do you need more?”  You will be able to say, “Who said it’s all for me?”  Or respond, “So we’re prepared when the other shoe drops!”  Those who continue to gather resources during the good times and the bad times will inevitably rise above when the crisis is over.

Below is a brief story regarding the effects wallowing in the comfort zone had on one couple.

© Abdone | Dreamstime.com

© Abdone | Dreamstime.com

Karen and Dan paid off their new home and topped off their retirement portfolio by the ripe old age of 30!  They believed they had 25 years to sit back and watch their retirement nest egg reach its predicted goal.  The couple relaxed and enjoyed the good life!

That is until the volatile yet cyclical 17-year era caught up with them.  It was an era when the couple saw their portfolio reduced by half.  They were not alone however, most investors felt the same pinch.

In addition to the decline of their portfolio, Karen became a full-time business owner.  She faced many challenges, scant pay and a business debt.  Shortly thereafter Dan lost his long-held position and became a full-time student at the age of 42.  The couple lost their employer-sponsored health insurance, so they purchased insurance on their own.  In addition, their home was no longer new and was in need of repairs.

After several lengthy discussions the couple eventually admitted what they did right and what they did wrong.  Rather than carry anger, resentment, or bitterness they decided to take control like never before!  Which meant forging ahead with total disregard to what others might think.

They vowed to educate and pursue every opportunity they desired.  Karen saw herself as receiving income from as many sources as physically possible.  Dan continued as a full-time student at the local technical college.  He poured all he had into his studies and did very well.

The lessons Dan and Karen learned are this:  The best strategy is to work with your partner in achieving attainable goals.  Their purchases were often beneath their financial ability to pay.  Most goals set at modest levels and pursued as a couple often resulted in the goals being accomplishment in record time.  For information on setting S.M.A.R.T. goals see >>>> Solution 2: The 100% Guarantee.

The moral of the above story is learn all you can in areas you are looking to invest.  Then proceed with due diligence and surety.  Always investigate before you invest.  Do not become too critical however that you develop analysis paralysisAs you know analysis paralysis is negative feedback. 

Disregard horror stories told by uninformed or lazy investors as this too would be considered negative feedback. You cannot possibly compare how things will turn out for you based on how things turned out for others.

More importantly set achievable goals and keep striving to achieve in all areas.  When a crisis appears you will then be prepared physically, mentally, spiritually and financially to rise above it all!

Thus far we identify negative feedback as including: being overly concerned with the opinions of others, fear, anger, guilt, anxiety, worry, overworking, not asking for help, unfairness from others we choose to take personally, frustration, insecurity, chronic feelings of overwhelm, taking on more than we can handle, inability to say No, procrastination and any behavior that causes self-defeat.

© Lisa F. Young | Dreamstime.com

Self-defeating behaviors are often caused by conscious self-analysis, self-criticism, and introspection if done as a form of continual second-guessing. Attempting too much sets up inevitable failure, which we later berate ourselves for not having accomplished.

Feeling jittery, worried, or anxious thinking about the great amount of work before us is a classic form of negative feedback.  We believe we should be able to do everything all at once.  We practice self-condemnation by holding ourselves to unrealistic expectations.

For example when we procrastinate it is typically started by our self-talk such as, “it will be a difficult project,” or “it will take too long,” or “I will do it when I have time.”

The end result is that the project either gets thrown together at the last minute, fails to meet deadline, or does not get finished at all.  Then starts another round of negative self-feedback of, “I’m lazy, I should have started sooner,” or “I did that sloppily, I should have asked for help,” or “I’m such a disorganized failure.”   It’s the same thinking that gets one into trouble from the start.

procrastinationProcrastination cannot end without eliminating negative feedback.  Simply remind yourself it is not possible to have positive thoughts while thinking negative.  That alone should make you want to identify negative feedback and banish it forever!

Additional patterns of negative feedback are any conscious-condemning activity known as bad habits.  Overeating, drinking in excess, or watching too much television when you know you should be working or walking the dog is a form of negative feedback.  Although we do not verbalize self-condemning words while we are engaging in the habit, without fail negative thoughts will surface and self-berating will begin.

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We are in essence sending false signals of low self-worth to our subconscious whenever we engage in activities that are against our beliefs.  These signals give the impression that we are not larger, more important, or more worthy than the habit in which we are currently indulging.

 

As you can see negative feedback in its many forms is a real threat to self-esteem and goal achievement.  It is a wonder we get out of bed in the morning.

Good news, there is hope! 

Now that we can identify negative feedback, solution number four will explain how to gain control over negative feedback.  It is a simple solution but requires daily practice.  It will take some time but certainly worth the effort!

up next >>>> Solution 4:  Control Negative Feedback.

These 20 + solutions are small steps

towards helping you identify negative feedback!

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