Solution 4: Control Negative Feedback

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Control Negative Feedback.  Solution 4 of How to Be The Best! For more information, see >>>> Table of Contents.

 

4. Control Negative Feedback

by Sherry Piatti

As mentioned in  Solution 3: Identify Negative Feedback, negative feedback comes in many forms and is a real threat to self-esteem and goal achievement.  It’s a wonder why we ever get out of bed in the morning!  But, good news, there is hope! Solution 4 explains how to control negative feedback.  It is a simple solution but requires daily practice.  It may take time for it to come naturally to you but it’s well worth the effort if you are to ever control negative feedback!

© Lisa F. Young | Dreamstime.com

© Lisa F. Young | Dreamstime.com

The solution is this, the next time any form of negative feedback arises, first determine if it is constructive or destructive in nature.  The best way to determine the difference between constructive and destructive is to ask yourself if the feedback you are experiencing will take you closer to your goal or further from your goal?

Will a response of any kind towards the negative feedback work against you in any way?  If your answer is that it will take you off track, then the best response is no response at all.  Stay on track, or metaphorically speaking, keep rowing your boat in the direction of where you want to go.  This may seem simplistic, but it consistently works in helping you control negative feedback.

You may initially feel passive or weak when you back away from conflict, but if you have been battling causes that do not advance your agenda then they were never your battles to fight. You may be itching to get into the ring, but remind yourself that the longer you stay behind to fight, the longer you will stay behind.

Choose your battles wisely and control negative feedback by being selective. Being selective not only reduces stress and simplifies life, it also conserves energy for your true mission.  You will most likely feel peer pressure for not joining others’ reindeer games. Remain focused and ask yourself if what they are trying to convince you to do is in your best interest, or will the negative activity derail your efforts?

For example:  Joseph attends, and fights every Union battle at his employment, often to no avail.  He is met with resistance and disregard which further frustrates Joseph. Frustration is a form of negative feedback.  The flip side of the story is that Joseph owns a side business which he would eventually like to work full-time. 

My suggestion for Joseph was to stop fighting Union battles and focus on finding ideal customers for his business.  I also suggested he focus on studying his trade, honing his skills, and systematizing the business to operate lean and efficient. 

If Joseph had no intention of leaving the unionized company I would have suggested something entirely different.  Perhaps Joseph’s issue all along was that he may have wanted full-time self-employment, but subconsciously feeling it would never happen. This disbelief and self-doubt is also negative feedback.  To control negative feedback in all its forms, Joseph needed to make a committed choice of which direction to focus his remaining energy.

As predicted when Joseph stopped fighting Union issues, he initially felt passive and weak. His feelings of disregard were soon replaced by enthusiasm after switching his focus to a more worthy goal thus enabling him to control negative feedback.  The more he immersed himself into his studies and business goals, the less energy he spent on futile endeavors.

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Since we do not support feelings of weakness or passivity, we suggest turning away from undesirable events and immediately turn towards the direction of your goal.  This will serve two purposes:

1.  It will remind you that you are not passive or weak but rather goal oriented and focused.

2.  You will receive positive feelings of feedback for avoiding procrastination.

One tiny seed of negative feedback can start a vicious cycle of procrastination. Chronic procrastination soon erodes self-esteem and self-respect.

Therefore consciously turn away from negative feedback, and “keep rowing your boat” into the direction you wish to go.  When you control negative feedback, you will not only reach your goal faster and more effortlessly, but will also strengthen your self-esteem and respect!

If on the other hand the negative feedback is constructive and in your best interest, heed the advice.  Use the constructive criticism wisely to correct your actions and move forward. Feelings of anxiety, guilt, resentment, remorse, or overwhelm could be gentle hints urging you to make corrections asap. Do not wallow in these feelings as that will only work against you.

Negative feedback has a way of piggy backing itself.  For example: being overbooked can lead to feelings of overwhelm which leads to procrastination, which leads to chronic procrastination.  Nip the negativity at the source!

If others pressure you with statements such as, “You should check into___.”  Or, “You need to do___ ” Or, “We need you to do___ ”  Ask yourself if what they are pressuring you to do something you truly want in the end. If you feel the urge to give an immediate answer, start by saying, “That is not going to work for me.”  Or, “I might give it some thought at a later date.” Notice I did not say “I will give it some thought.”  You might even say, “How would you like to be billed for my time?”  Take pressure for what it is, deconstructive negative feedback.  Control negative feedback by clearly stating your disinterest.

You do not have to act on every suggestion or request asked of you. Choose your affiliations wisely so when an ideal opportunity comes along you will have the time and enthusiasm to politely respond, “I look forward to working with you!”

As simplistic as this solution may sound, combating negative feedback will be a constant battle, at first.  But over time your ability to control negative feedback will come naturally for you.

Another way of eliminating negative feedback is to practice physical relaxation. It has been scientifically proven that you absolutely cannot feel anger, fear, anxiety, or insecurity as long as your muscles remain perfectly relaxed. Anger, anxiety, insecurity and fear are simply the appearance of negative feedback.

The fear I am referring to is not the fear in times of personal danger, but rather fear of success or fear of public speaking.  Fear handicaps even the strongest intentions.  For example, one can be thoroughly convinced of natural treatments to cure cancer, but when given the news that they have cancer, many chose conventional often because the fear of not undergoing conventional treatment far outweighs the fear of the treatment itself. Since fear is a huge topic, tips on eliminating this debilitating emotion will be discussed more deeply in Solution 17: What Your Fears are Telling You!  . . . coming soon!

As a practice exercise, control negative feedback by compiling a list of ways in which negative feedback appears in your life.  Confront them one by one as you go through each day.  Practice identifying and letting go of all deconstructive negative feedback. Identify their source and make a conscious effort to respond appropriately and quickly to feedback that is not right for you!

Pour your excess energy into reaching your desired destination. Set a date, plan the party and focus on the benefits of achieving the goals of your dreams!

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up next >>>>Solution 5: Approach with Gradualness.

DISCLAIMER:  This information is solely for the purpose of helping you control negative feedback and is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions about your medical condition. Do not disregard professional medical advice or delay seeking advice or treatment because of something you have read here.

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